*1 = chopped sausages, tomato sous with rice
*1 = chopped sausages, tomato sous with rice
Sushi
Sushi
As you can see - I've had quite a lot of problems with my eating lately... The nausea is worse than ever and there have been more than one occasion where I had to stop eating because my body said no. The 15th of June is one example, even though I didn't write it down on the list itself.
We had just sat down with our plates, I took three bites and then it hit. I couldn't eat more after that. At least not until later that evening.
My body is acting up and it shows here. It hurts, I feel nauseous and my mental health is very low.
I'm a bit frightened actually. On Monday I'll have my last meeting with my shrink before she leaves for her three weeks long vacation. I'm scared that I'll go back to my old ways when I don't have to show her the schedules each week. This will be my first time standing on my very own in this fight. A preview as to how it will be after August this year, when I'll stop meeting her altogether... I'm scared. But I won't give up!
By now you've probably noticed some small things among my eating habits and I feel it's time to explain it a little bit.
Nauseous
At more than one meal I've written that I'm feeling nauseous. I still have a lot of problems, physically, with eating. When I eat, and when I eat more than a few bites, I get nauseous. My body just can't handle it yet.
Alone
As you might have noticed I often eat alone in front of my computer. Sometimes I try eating with someone in my family, sometimes away from the computer. But it's hard... I hate it when others see me eat. I feel ashamed. I know there's nothing wrong in eating. It's natural and you need food to survive. I know all of that, but when I stand there with my plate with food, I just want to hide.
But I'm working on it...
Binge eating
During the past months I've tried really hard to keep away from this behaviour. But of course it doesn't always work out that way. When I cry or are too stressed I binge eat. It calms me and it helps me take back control over my emotions. But it makes me feel very guilty and my thoughts about myself gets very dark and low. And since I won't purge it leads me to either skip eating the next day, or exercise. Very much so during the summer since the weather allows long walks.
What are you eating?
I eat a lot of... strange stuff that a lot of people never heard of. Sometimes I try to explain it with little notes underneath the schedule, but other times I don't for different kind of reasons. Like menaich. This is warm Arabic bread folded on the middle and filled with goat-cheese.
If there is something I've eaten that you want to know what it is, leave a comment in the post and I will try to explain.
Sometimes I eat very healthy things, like vegetarian meals. And I do so because I think it's really tasty. If you ever feel like "Hm, that sounds kind of good, I wonder how one cook it", just ask and I'll try to fix a recipe.
Coca Cola Light
Or Diet Coke, as it's called in some countries. It has been pointed out to me that I drink this soda a lot. And yes, I do. I drink it almost every day. Most people think I do so because it has no fat/calories/sugar. But to be honest - no. I know most will call me a liar, but I drink Light because it tastes better than regular Coke. I think sweetener tastes better than sugar, especially the day after. Regular coke leaves a very nasty taste no matter how much I brush my teeth before going to bed. It's nasty!
